So this morning I went to the gym at 5:30 AM. God isn't even up at this time. I like to run on the treadmill that does not face the mirrors. Who finds mirrors motivational? I wear spandex to work out, which I just know I should not be wearing. It looks fine in the front, and the back is a cottage cheese factory. So a short little Asian man steps onto the treadmill beside me and proceeds to start a conversation. wrong decision.
First of all, he needs to compare the metabolisms of little Asian people to giant tall Pollock women with big butts. As science has proven, I'm going to have to work a whole lot harder on the treadmill than he.
Second of all, it's before dawn. At this time of day, my body can only communicate with looks of hate. I can only say "Fuck You" with my eyes.
Third of all, I don't know why someone would say "Hello" at the gym. Do I look like I'm wanting to network? Am I carrying around a big bucket of friendship necklaces, just ready to hand them out to a new BFF? No. If I wanted to do that I would have worn something besides spandex.
So I turn to the little Asian man, and I give him a big ... fat ... cheery "Hello!" this is my life.